Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
