1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
