There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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