somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
did you just send me my own nude
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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