I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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