Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
