He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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