You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
