It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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