y did u give ur computer a hand job?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
