umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
