I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize