i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Drunk is a universal language darling
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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