so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize