Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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