I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
