I bet he comes in French.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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