I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
