Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
