I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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