You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
