Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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