Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
