my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
