please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize