I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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