i dont even know how to be here
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
