i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Someone signed my nipple.
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