My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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