Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
