The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
only you would photoshop your dick
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
