I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
