Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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