I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize