we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
