dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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