There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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