Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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