Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
