i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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