I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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