I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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