when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
