nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
