I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
