Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize