I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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