I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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