I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
