I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
