I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no, he came in my armpit
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
