If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
