I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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