Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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