Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize