How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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