I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
