They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
