It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
