oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
