your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
