Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
