no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
