It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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