Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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