i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
