K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
