I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just want nice things and good sex
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
