You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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