how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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