whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
