ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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