I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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