he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize