i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
