Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I want to have your abortion
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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