saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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