Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
