Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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