I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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