he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
