we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
