Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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