Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
