I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
