all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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