I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
