Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
