Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
