So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
