I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
