How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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