Got a toothbrush?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
