Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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